Wednesday, September 30, 2009

Why Marriage is Work

I am simply amazed at the divorce rate in this country. I am not sure what is happening, but I think it is the simple fact that no one tells you that marriage is work. I have been married for nearly 12 years, and while we have had some wonderful times, neither my husband nor I are perfect and it has taken a good bit of work on both our parts to make this marriage work.

I feel like in this day of instant satisfaction we expect that in every aspect of our lives including from our spouse. When the "new" wears off we just get rid of it. Right? With your cell phone company you only have to keep that phone for 2 years and then you can trade it in on a brand new fancy one. When you want information, you go out to the internet and get it NOW. And so it goes instant gratification.

Well I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but when the "new" of being married wears off the work begins. (I have to jump on my soap box now.) When you and your spouse looked at each other you said "For better or for worse". It is the "for worse" part I think that gets lost. Life is ever changing and while at this moment in time it may seem like the worse is only getting worse and things just won't get better, in reality they will. I have found that it is the worse times that make the better times even sweeter. On your wedding day you made a promise to your spouse that no matter what you'd be there for them and they would be there for you. A promise! What does that mean these days? I guess not much since about 50% of the population is divorced. I'd like to see us go back to a time when a promise meant something and people genuinely work on making their marriages last. You promise to make your mortgage payments, to stay with your cell phone carrier for so many years, and all other types of promises that you keep because they are tied to your credit score or will cost extra if you break that promise. What about breaking someone? What does that cost? I believe that cost is more than can be fathomed and is something to truly consider if you are thinking about breaking your promise.

I know that some couples just can't make it. Maybe they have tried and it is just not going to work for them. To these people I'd like to say, there was something that brought you together in the first place. Try to go back to that and figure out why you even wanted to be together. If this was only a physical attraction, then you may not be able to save your relationship, as I believe that a relationship only based on physical attraction is on shaky ground to begin with. However, there was probably something you had in common or you always make each other laugh or one of you can see the sunshine in all things which balances the gloom and doom of the other person. Try hard to think of why and then look at where you are today. Try to rekindle what brought you together in the first place.

Keep in mind that most problems are only temporary and while they may seem like a mountain today, they are probably a mole hill in the grand scheme of life.

I empathize with those of you whom just could not make it work. I realize sometimes you get married and either you change or you never discussed the important life goals before getting married and the paths you and your partner are on or want to be on are just too far apart to ever make it work.

For those of you in the grey area, remember it is WORK. Love will only get you so far and then you must put your shoulder to the grind stone and work. I believe love holds you together, but work keeps you together. (I'm now off my soap box.)

I wish all of you the best in all of your relationships! God bless and good luck!


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