Wednesday, September 2, 2009

Why Wait to Have Children

I often hear newly married couples being either bugged to have children or they are anxious to start having kids. I am a firm believer in waiting to have children, because children totally change your life and your relationship with your spouse. It is a wonderful thing, but it can be quite stressful and if you have not taken the time as a couple to build a good foundation, you could find yourselves struggling to make it all work.

If you are newly married, my advice is it to take a couple of years to enjoy each other. Get out there and do all kinds of stuff. Develop new hobbies together. Take trips (even if they are just day trips). Laugh together, be spontaneous! Learn about each other and how each of you is wired. Not only are you building a foundation for your marriage, but then when you have kids you can talk about some of the stuff you used to do before kids, and have something to look forward to when they leave. ;)

I think a coworker of mine described it best. He and his wife used to go camping all the time. They would just decide spur of the moment and take off. They recently had their first child, and what really changed for them is the time it takes to prepare to go somewhere with a baby. It takes several hours and many bags and gadgets and toys to take a baby or child with you.

On a personal level, what changed most for my husband and I was the inability to participate in our passion, drag racing. BC (before children) my husband and I were either at the track racing or working on our cars EVERY weekend. We loved it and had a great time doing it. When I became pregnant with my daughter, I stopped. And then once she was born because of finances and time, my husband also quit driving. I can tell you there is not a day that goes by that we would not love to be drag racing again. It was a source of stress relief for us and just A LOT of FUN!

Please don’t get me wrong, I would not change having my kids for the world. They are lights of joy when the road seems so dark, but they also require all of my attention. I often it tough to give my husband the attention he needs, because (and maybe it is because I'm the mom) but I put my kids first. Right or wrong I know that at times my husband needs more from me that I am not able to give because of kids, job and (truthfully) my animals. I am thankful that I have a wonderful husband and we have a strong foundation, so he understands. I feel that if we had not had those years of “just the two of us” that we may either be wondering why we are in this relationship or even possibly thinking about leaving.

So this is the advice I give to all couples, be a couple first and then become a family.

I would love to hear your thoughts on this topic! Please put your comments below! Have a WONDERFUL Wednesday!


JosiahsMommy September 3, 2009 at 1:13 AM  

This is great advice. Josiah was our little surprise 3 months after our wedding. I'd stopped taking the pill because it was making me sick and then I got morning sickness instead. Lol. I can clearly remember the first few weeks with him, and almost resenting the fact that I couldn't just up and go somewhere. Of course I loved him, but it's such a huge change and it's so much harder than anyone can explain. You have to be there and go through it to understand.

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