Tuesday, August 11, 2009

Guilt, Guilt, and More Guilt

So if you are a mom you know guilt. My cousin at Confessions of a First Time Mom also wrote a blog about this recently and not to copy, but I had to put my own spin on it. Her post was about mommy guilt and this week I have lots of mommy guilt because I am traveling again. I was only home for one week and then back out again. Please know that I plan my own travel schedule and then now I'm sure your saying then why complain. Well, let me explain. The reason that I have planned my travel so close together is because I want to be home for my daughter's first week of school. So I have guilt about not being home with my son and daughter this week, especially since as my son gets older the more he realizes when mommy breaks out the suitcase she is leaving.

But, I have more than mommy guilt this week. I also have wife guilt. I am not sure how to describe this, but I feel badly that I have to leave my husband to take care of my two kids alone. Although he knows this is part of my job, it doesn't make his "single parent" weeks without me any easier and I feel guilty that I have left him. To top it off I also feel guilty that he doesn't get enough time to do the things he wants to do. It always seems like we have something to do or the kids have an event or something. I have decided on this trip that I will try extra hard to find time to take my kids, so that he can work on the stuff he wants to work on.

Finally I have, I don't know what you would call it, I guess it would be financial guilt. For those of you who know me, you know I can't pass by a casino and not go in. I LOVE to gamble. Right or wrong, it is something I love to do. Well....there is a casino in Edmonton, which is where I am this week. So, of course, I went in. It went quite well, I put a 20 into the machine and when I was done I got 85. You are saying, "Why do you feel guilty?” Well if I'd have left it at that I would not have any guilt, but I just had to go back. I said to myself that machine will pay more. So I went back to the same machine and lost 20. Then I thought better try another machine and see if I can win back my 20. Well as you guessed all I did was lose another 20. Finally, I thought well what difference does it make and lost ANOTHER 20. So as I left the casino all I thought about was what I could have done with the 60 I lost. Diapers, dog food, on and on. So more guilt!

I don't have an answer for all this guilt, but it must be part of being a mom and a wife, but most likely it is just part of being a woman. I don't expect a solution or sympathy; I just wanted to share my "guilt" story with all of you!


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